Abe pushed open the bathroom door and felt the heat and moistness that emanated from his wife luxuriating in the bath. She always stayed submerged until the water turned tepid, which was good for his purposes. Under one arm, he cradled a nickel-plated, four-slice toaster that he’d just yanked out of its place in the kitchen.
His glasses fogged while he closed the door behind himself. He wiped them with one forefinger and spotted the outlet beside the sink. He plugged the toaster in.
“Abe?” Loise said. She sounded curious — a little amused.
In response, he held the toaster out at arm’s length, ready to drop it into the lavender-scented, soapy water.
“You wouldn’t dare,” Loise said, her eyes wide and hard with realization. But still there was a hint of amusement, as if she thought he was playing an ineffectual game.
“I will.”
They stared at each other. It was a familiar moment, as if for years each had looked at the other and been ready to kill or be killed. Water dripped from the faucet and sloshed gently as Loise breathed.
“You’re such a moron,” Loise said. “I haven’t signed the insurance forms you kept bugging me about. They’re right downstairs in my briefcase right this moment.”
“That’s why no one will think it was me,” Abe said. “‘And she never signed the forms, can you believe that. Poor Abe. Salt in the wound…’”
Abe noticed that his fingers were clenched tight around the toaster, as if they didn’t want to go through with it. But he’d made up his mind.
“Goodbye, Loise,” he said. The words he’d thought through so many times came with unwonted confidence. “This is my first moment of freedom.”
He wrenched his rigid fingers away from the toaster and let it fall.
“You moro—” Loise screamed and pushed herself half out of the water.
But the toaster plopped inert into the water, causing some to splash out and wet the bath mat but no other harm.
“Oh,” Loise said.
Abe stared at the silver shape blurred by swirling soapy water. He’d done it, and yet nothing had changed. He thought his own heart might burst it was racing so madly and slamming against the inside of his chest.
“I told you that outlet was on the fritz,” Loise said. “You said you fixed it.”
“It’s fine. I checked it.”
“Yeah, right. Mr. Fixit.”
“I’m telling you, it’s not the outlet.”
“Sure.”
Abe leaned over and hit the little red breaker button. Nothing changed.
“See,” he said. He pulled the toaster plug out and shoved it back in. He felt like he was about to fracture into painful little shards. Something had to break, either him or the world.
“The whole thing’s no good,” Loise said from behind him. “I told you.”
“Oh, and you’re an electrician,” Abe growled.
“More than you.”
“Yeah?” Abe said. “Yeah?” He turned and shook his fist at her. She had slid back into the bath, and the film on top of the water nestled her breasts. “I’ll show you. I’ll plug something else in. Watch!”
He seized the hair dryer off the vanity, pulled the toaster plug out, and inserted the plug for the dryer. He flipped the switch, and the hair dryer moaned and blew hot air in his face.
“See?!” He held the humming hair dryer up like a trophy or maybe a melee weapon. “See?! On the fritz? Hah!”
Abe switched the plugs again, thinking for a second that when he shoved the toaster plug in, it would suddenly come to life and send the devastating jolt through the bath.
But nothing happened. Nothing changed.
“Mr. Edison,” Loise said. “Electrical genius. Everything genius actually.”
“It’s not the outlet!” Abe spat back. He ran his hands along the cord as it arced toward the bath. “The problem’s something else. It’s something… I’ll show you.”
His hands went under the surface of the bath and again wrapped around the toaster. Maybe because it felt so familiar from thousands of mornings when he’d done the same thing in his breakfast routine, he pressed down the toast switch.
“I’m waiting,“ Loise started to say.
The electric current caught them both at the same time. Loise convulsed and bashed her head on the wall. Abe’s legs spasmed and sent him toppling into the bath on top of her.
When the super found them a week later, he marveled at how they seemed to embrace, as if their love couldn’t be killed.