The Stoneslide

I got the alert on my phone, so I knew it was coming. I would have to close my laptop and walk out of my social-deviance and social-issues class. I’m back in school at the JC trying to get my life together and maybe go for a criminal-justice degree. I quietly shut the clamshell, asked my elbow partner to watch my stuff, and discreetly left the auditorium. This was just a bathroom break, in a sense.

Several months ago, I wrote about how U.S.A.’s civic culture – for all its aspirations to social and intellectual progress – has not been able to escape our distant civilized ancestors’ predisposition to engaging in human sacrifice. There is another dynamic at work, though, one that manifests itself with both liberals and conservatives in this country and thus demands closer inspection. In fact, it is an issue with any body politic in any country at any time. For an illustration of this dynamic, consider this passage:

Marjorie particularly liked to watch the sun rise over the mountains. Before each shift, she’d look up the exact time of sunrise and write it down on a sticky note that she’d put next to her keyboard. Then she’d try to get in a position to turn east at that moment without anyone noticing. It was one of those little breaths of freedom that got her through the day—like the first cup of coffee or the privacy in the bathroom stall.

Ladies — Are you tired of being victimized or feeling the threat of victimization wherever you go? Do you find yourself constantly guarding against attack or unwanted advances? Do you just not feel you’re getting the level of safety and security you want? Well, no more! Now, with the revolutionary “My Ugly Best Friend”™ drone, you’re no longer alone in the world, relying on that mythical idea, the decency of men. 

Oh to be a drone!

No energy

No trouble

Step in, no, step back

Relax, have a snack

Peel an orange or banana

While chaos reigns around

At work, at home, in traffic,

In my branch, at the discount store,

Oh to be a drone!