Incremental Reports

30-year-old Gabe Trampelgong and his 28-year-old brother Tom had leg wounds that discharged pus at wildly different rates. Medical personnel measured 30 milliliters coming out of Gabe each hour, and 9 milliliters coming out of Tom. Their fevers were similar, 38.6° C and 38.5° C, respectively. Gabe washed his car with Dawn dish soap, and Tom used Griot’s Car Wash.

84-year-old J. Staunton “Stauncy” Hastings administered ketchup to most of his food, including green beans, cinnamon rolls, and rice. His one surviving brother, Clive Steubens “Stoopsy” Hastings, administered honey to the things he ate. When the men used wheelchair lifts or even ramps, it was 80-year-old Stoopsy who hardly ever vomited, whereas Stauncy’s vomit clocked the GPM of a light-duty pressure washer.

During the winters, Steve Terdvahl took cash jobs while collecting his seasonal unemployment. Fellow carpenter and Terdvahl, Lars, took only the unemployment. Elder Steve called Lars a moron. Lars, 30 to Steve’s 32, told Steve how ashamed their dead parents would be of his annual thieving.

District Attorney Gethsemane Green formulated a plan – with the sheriff and a majority of city councilors in the county seat – to solve the homelessness crisis in a California city by jailing repeat trespassers, vandals, and drug users. Chief Deputy Public Defender Floraison Green, age 38 and Gethsemane’s younger sister by six years, opposed the plan. Gethsemane didn’t hate or love any bands. Floraison loved many bands and hated Hanson, the band Gethsemane would call favorite if forced to name one.