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Letters to a Grammarian in the Seventh Year of the Trump Presidency

By Jonathan

Wondering whether to hyphenate “bigly” or how to quote Jesus without offending the President? Our grammarian leads you through the thickets of writing in the Age of Trump.

Q. Does “biglyTM” take a hyphen? I think it would help in a sentence like this: “The town council voted unanimously to appropriate funds for a biglyTM amazingTM statue of PresidentTM TrumpTM to stand on the town green.”
A. I get this question a lot, and, quite honestly, it always comes from liberal busybodies. Real AmericansTM know what “biglyTM” means and don’t need any clarifying punctuation.

Q. I understand the requirement to use the TM symbol for any words covered by the new Trumpmark rules. However, sometimes I look at a page crawling with superscript notations, and it looks to me like the words are being attacked by swarms of flying ants. Would it be acceptable to put a note at the bottom of the page instead of marking every covered word?
A. The purpose of the Make Copyright and Trademark GreatTM Act of 2022 was to clarify which words are associated with the TrumpTM brandTM. Readers need to know immediately that exciting words like “funTM” or “profitTM” are TrumpTM words, while lackluster words like “evidence-based” or “climate” are not. It’s part of our job as guardians of the language to make this distinction plain to our readers. A footnote won’t cut it.

Q. I was trained in journalism school never to alter a direct quotation. However, a recent article about college football included a comment from a coach about a new recruit, saying, “He’s the bestTM quarterback prospect I’ve ever seen.” Is this insulting to PresidentTM TrumpTM by implying this athlete is better than the PresidentTM at something? Would it be permissible to recast the quote to, “He’s the bestTM quarterback prospect I’ve ever seen, other than DonaldTM J.TM TrumpTM, the PresidentTM of the United States of AmericaTM“?
A. That is an elegantTM solution and no doubt reflects what the coach meant to say.

Q. I’m having a dispute with another copyeditor. She says the new state names should be treated as generic descriptions and lowercased, since they apply to all 12 states that voted blue in 2020. I say they are uppercase in all White House correspondence, and we should follow that example. So, which is it—”loser state” or “Loser State”?
A. Loser State is a proper noun—no question about it! It’s true there are currently 12 Loser States, but there are famously about 50 towns called Springfield, and your friend wouldn’t suggest lowercasing those. Of course, any Loser State can get its old name back by making a wiser choice in 2024.

Q. I’m a magazine editor, and I often face this question: Does the TrumpTM:word ratio apply to the whole publication or to each article within it?
A. There are two answers to this question. First, the technical answer: the ratio applies to any work. A work is a piece that could stand alone—so it applies to articles, but not chapters. However, the real answer is that the allowanceTM is so generousTM that you should have no trouble meeting it in any right-minded piece of writing. Indeed, one TrumpTM per 18 words is exceedingly generousTM and when you factor in the current target of seven words per sentence, that’s only one TrumpTM in every two and a half sentences. I would suggest that if anything you are producing falls below one TrumpTM in every two and a half sentences, you have some serious soul searching to do.

Q. A writer submitted a book manuscript with the following epigraph: “Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heavenTM… Blessed are the meek: for they shall inheritTM the earth… Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.” When I apply the approved Trumponyms, I get, “UntaxedTM are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdomTM of TrumpTM HotelTM… UntaxedTM are the meek: for they shall inheritTM fossil fuelTM reserves… Untaxed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called Donald Jr.TM, EricTM, and IvankaTM.” This seems to change the meaning in important ways. Can I possibly include both versions?
A. You’re right to worry about this epigraph, but there may be another solution you have overlooked. Why not replace it with a direct quotation from PresidentTM TrumpTM himself? That’s always acceptable, and he’s generally more concise and colorful than this text. For instance, you could use, “Poor people love me!” Remember, while it’s not required, it’s always a good idea to print the words of PresidentTM TrumpTM in goldTM ink.

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